Drowning
by creepy-kreme
Summary: They said it was the 'Un-sinkable'. But he's slowly sinking. And Sasuke can't do anything about it but to hold on to his hands for a little longer. Angst. Suicidal. SasuNaru. Rated M. AU. Oneshot. Dedicated to Beautifulyaoilover93.


Drowning  
By: Creepy-kreme

A/N: This is for my Guess-My-Name Game. Dedicated to my friend Beautifulyaoilover93 as a thank you for officially becoming the beta of Yes Master. Cheers!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND PEANUT BUDDY! This is for you too.

Disclaimer: I'm not in the mood for this. Dysmenorrhea sucks. I get these kill-innocent-people urges. That's why I wrote this. To lessen the build-up. (insert standard Naruto disclaimer here)

Warning: Suicide, cutting, depression, alcohol, drugs, male sex, and anxiety. Your typical teenage angst.

If any of the following disturbs you, I am telling you now, shoo, fly away, and don't bother me.

One more thing. Beautifulyaoilover93 said she wanted to see what story I can come up with. So, here you go. Have a taste of my bloody plot.

... I didn't intend that to be a pun, by the way.

More notes at the bottom.

Not beta'd.

Enjoy.

* * *

_News Flash!_

_Tuesday, October 14, 2008. 8:34 P.M._

_The passenger ship owned by Yellow Flash Lines sank off Shibuya Island in rough seas whipped by Typhoon "Shi"_ _on October 10._

_There were storm warnings, but the ferry sailed despite them. Nine stories high and nearly 29,000 tons, Pearl of the Kyuubi was rated to handle Storm Condition 2 winds on the 20 hour journey from Amegakure to Konohagakure, the major Village in the southern part of Japan, 367 miles away as the crow flies. On board were 869 people, 722 passengers and 147 crew, about 47 of them were children._

_No explanation has yet revealed as to why Captain Minato Namikaze, owner of Yellow Flash Lines -still among the missing- sailed that evening despite the appoaching typhoon._

_As of 7:53 P.M. today, operations to recover the bodies were suspended due to the presence of the still raging tides._

_Of the more than 800 passengers, only 53 survivors were found. Many people lost their lives and numerous bodies either remained trapped in the wreck or missing, including the shipowner's wife, Kushina Uzumaki._

_No other survivors were sighted today but further news will be reported once..._

A large smashing sound reverberated in the large living room as the remote console hit the television and the voice stopped, a choking sob following in its wake.

* * *

_5 years later_. _October 10, 2013._

**I. Mask**

_Splash. Splash. Splash._

Naruto sliced through the water like a shark attacking its prey. He swam vigorously from one end to another, the water lapping at the pool's corner like a vicious tide. Little drops of water kept bursting into the air whenever he pulled his arms out to shove yet another stroke back in. The strength of his strokes and its control as a result of hours of training were showing tremendously, but his grace, the blonde's effortless ease of movement on the water, was that of a natural-born swimmer.

The blonde swam laps from laps with ease, quickly alternating between freestyle, breaststroke, backstroke, and the infamous butterfly stroke whenever his Coach deemed necessary. He was so fast that Gai had to use two stop-watches to time him just to make sure he wasn't imagining it.

"15.89 seconds!" His Coach's throaty scream reached his ears as soon as his hand touched the cold tile, indicating he's finished with his last freestyle. "As expected from my most promising youthful student! I can see your bluish youthfulness shining through, cheeky birthday boy!"

"That's just the reflection, Coach." Naruto beamed as he hanged his arms over the edge of the pool and rested his cheek on the cold tile, trying to catch his breath.

Gai beamed back, his white teeth flashed under the light, and continued. "Now, that's all for the day, _but_ I want you to practice at least three laps of freestyle, back, and breast and one of butterfly everyday. I want you to be ready for the tournament next month. I expect my youthful student to beat his youthful record to-!"

Naruto took a deep breath, slid his arms off the edge and plunge himself into the water and stayed unmoving for a few seconds as silence encompassed him.

He opened his eyes, eyes whose shade complements the hue of the water, and his smile faltered. He was surrounded by blue and tiny streaks of what seemed like crystals floating around him. His vision became a little hazy, and a steady buzzing sound rang inside his ears.

He swam into the middle and released bits of air from his lungs so that he can reach the pool floor. He sat there, legs tucked under his arms, his head started to hurt from the pressure and lack of air.

_Promising. Youthful_. _Cheeky._

He snorted, a small blob of bubble coming out of his nose.

Those words doesn't suit him. Those words will never be able to describe him. The meaning of those words had eluded him long before he knew what it was.

He's broken. Didn't they know?

He's already bleeding where they can't see.

He's already drowning in a cage he can never be freed...

But nobody noticed. Nobody ever seems to notice.

* * *

**II. Wall**

It had been an hour since swim meet had ended. The lights were all turned off except for the one's illuminating the pool. But it wasn't really necessary. The floor to ceiling windows gives enough afternoon sunlight, making the reflection of the water bounce to the walls.

The benches and bleachers were clean and the floor was already mopped dry. Swimmers, Coaches, and even the Janitorial staffs had long abandoned the premises and there was no one left, so the place was quiet in general, save for the splashing sounds that can still be heard all throughout the room.

Naruto is in the middle of his fourth butterfly now, his third time breaking Gai's sturdy instruction of one butterfly a day and he's already way past his limits.

His lungs are burning. The lack of oxygen was making him a little dizzy and he knew that he needed to stop. He needed to stop and breathe.

But he _didn't_. He _doesn't_.

He always continue.

He force himself until his knees can't support his weight and he can't stand anymore. He force himself until his limbs can't move and he can't swim any longer. He drive himself up to the breaking point, where just a tiny flick can shatter him to millions of irreparable pieces.

He always force himself until he went numb.

Until his legs are weak. Until his arms are sore. Until his chest was heavy. And until his whole body was in pain...

He will push on.

Because it was only in swimming where he can close his eyes, drown away his pain, mistake the tears as water, and pretend he's alright.

Sometimes it works.

But it was never enough.

* * *

**III. Pain**

He turned the knob in full blast and the warm water of the shower cascading over him was a relief. Naruto tilted his head forward, hissing softly as the heavy stream hit him exactly between his tense shoulder blades. Sighing in content, the blonde leaned against the shower stall's wall and let the water do its magic... _for now._

With his eyes closed, he stood there in silence, only the sound of water hitting him and the ground battling with his thoughts.

It's been five years.

Five years since that incident had happened. And day by day, he started to forget the things he should remember. He forgot the happy days he treasured in heart. The feeling of bliss in his mind. The memories he promised to picture forever started to fade into the darkness. And blankness started to consume him.

_Five forlorn years._ That's what it does to people.

And all that is left in him now, is the memories of the things he should forget. The pain in brought. The tears he shed... no happiness. It was like, the world had drained him for everything he'd had.

But honestly, if you ask him, he never thought he would grow up to be this... _miserable._ Yes, he still function as a normal human being. He eats. He laughs. He jokes. He cries...

But nothing's ever like it was.

He wears a mask of brightness and control, but on the _inside?_ Well, let's just say that every day, it just gets worse.

A lot of things have changed, he'll admit that much. But it didn't mean they got better. Little by little, bit by bit, he feels like he's losing himself.

He feels like he have reached a point in his life where he don't know what direction to take anymore. Every step he make seems so wrong. There is no right, and there is nothing left. And now, all he can do is to stand in a line between giving up and seeing how much more he can take.

And it's sad, actually.

The way some people look at him and think that he still have it all together when in reality, his mind wasn't even in the same state as his body.

And the truth is, ninety-nine percent of him just wanted to die.

But he never told them that.

He didn't tell them he cut occasionally. On the wrists. The arms. The thighs. He didn't tell them about the alcohol. Never told them that he wakes up every morning wishing he hadn't. Never mentioned anything about ecstacy and medical marijuanas. He didn't tell them he's ruining his life. He didn't tell them that he had simply stopped looking for ways to survive.

He didn't tell them any of that.

No. Not because he didn't want to. It's actually the opposite. He _wanted_ to. He really do. But he's afraid to tell them. He's afraid that they'll think he's crazy. He's afraid of what will happen when they can hear half of what was on his mind. But most of all, he's afraid of what everyone will say if they knew.

The other part of him though, that one percent of him, is utterly terrified of the things he'll miss when he's gone and the things he won't be able to do anymore when it's over.

That one measly percent gets him _everytime_.

So maybe that's why he's still here. That's why he's still holding on...

A tear slip past his cheeks. It felt warm. Warmer than the already warm water. Shaking his head, he willed the horrifying thoughts away. _No._Naruto chided himself as he rested his head on the wall and sighed. _Don't even go there_.

Running his hands hastily through his hair, he tried to relax. Shutting his mind, he spiked his other senses awake.

_Pain._

There's so much pain.

His head is pounding. His arms hurt. His legs hurt. His shoulders ache. And his back is killing him.

In short, everything in his body hurts.

But he'd rather have that kind of pain than the one his heart must be feeling right now.

* * *

**IV. Call**

Naruto did his damnedest to avoid the mirrors in the shower room and went straight out to the locker room for his clothes. Eyes on the floor, he passed the reflection one by one. He doesn't want to see it. Just by looking at it kills him and he's not up to face his demons right now. He'd had enough of them today.

Almost half-dragging his body out of the shower, he trudged bare footed over the cold tiles of the floor and dried his blonde hair. He tousled it for a minute before he hanged his towel over his neck to grab his phone.

Pressing a circular button, his phone came to life.

A picture of Sasuke poking his tongue out in a childish manner greeted his eyes. (1)

Naruto blinked at it, amused, silently wondering what the hell Sasuke was up to. Arriving to none, he glided his finger over the screen and unlocked the phone to call the Uchiha.

Sasuke answered on the third ring.

"What the hell was that?"

"What the hell was what?" A voice came from the receiver. Naruto can literally hear the other smirk over the line.

"My wallpaper. Why the hell is your bastard face my wallpaper?"

"Oh, _that_." Another smirk. "That's my birthday gift."

"That's your_ birthday _gift?"

"Yeah."

Naruto let out a genuine smile, the first one he's had for days.

"Wow. Gee. Thanks. That was, like, the _best_ birthday present I've ever received in my whole life." He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"What? You don't like it? I look hot."

He rolled his eyes. "Let's meet. I'll go to your house."

"Who said I was in my house?"

Ignoring him, he continued. "I'll be there in 5."

With that, the line went dead.

* * *

**V. Forget**

As soon as Sasuke opened the front door, he found himself being assulted by a long, hot, and fervid kiss. Eyes widening, Sasuke was too stunned for a moment to correct it, so he just let Naruto to lead him inside.

He can feel the shock slowly ebbing away every passing second and Sasuke began to return the kiss with an equivalent fervor. He already had an idea what had gotten to the blonde and why he's acting so aggressive tonight, but it still took him a little by surprise.

Not that he's complaining, though. This is what they do.

This is what they both need.

Without halting the kiss, he kicked the door close and backed Naruto on the nearby wall.

"It's rare for you to visit me at this time of hour." The raven huffed in between kisses. "You want to do it right now?"

Naruto paused. The blonde's jaunty pose contrasted the innocent look on his face, his big cerulean eyes shining brightly at him in the dim room.

Those eyes were sad. He can see it.

"Naruto."

The said boy stiffened in his arms and tried to force out a laugh. "That's right." His eyes became hazy and he lowered his head. "That's the only thing we do when we meet up, eh?"

"_Naruto._" Sasuke warned. "Don't start."

He shook his head, a sad chuckle bubbling from his lips. "What is wrong with me?"

"You want me to make you feel better or you want me to tell you the truth?"

He wanted Sasuke to make him feel better, tell him what he needed to hear, take away the pain, and make him forget even only for a transient of time... "The truth."

Something flashed in Sasuke's eyes and he took him in his arms again and hugged him as if he's afraid to let go. "I know how you look into the mirror and hate what you see. You blame yourself. You push people away..." he leaned down and whispered in his ear. "You always put up that mask and pretend you're alright."

He swallowed the lump in his throat and shrugged. "I try to make people happy."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you try to make yourself happy?"

For the first time in years, he wasn't able to come up with a lie. He can't say anything. There was nothing else to say. Everything Sasuke had said had hit home. Everything was true and there was no denying that.

"I changed my mind." He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on Sasuke's shoulder, his breath harsh and ragged. "Make me feel better."

Sasuke's lips curved into a sad smile against Naruto's neck. "As you wish." The young Uchiha detached himself from the smaller boy and tugged Naruto's chin to look at him in the eyes. "I'll make you feel so good that you'll think you're in a dream and forget all your pain."

He froze, an unconscious breath hitching in his throat.

Sasuke tugged the blonde locks tightly and literally swept him off his feet. "That's what I'm here for."

* * *

**VI. Dream**

Sasuke kissed down the hairless smooth skin beneath him, mouth travelling to every tan skin his lips could meet. Nipping here and there, he brought Naruto's wrist on his lips and pressed a long loving kiss, a single tear slipping past the blonde's lids. And Sasuke can hear his break a little.

Wiping the tear away with his thumb, he tried to lick every scar. Every scar Naruto marred on himself, every scar embedded in his heart. He licked every single one of it, wishing and hoping that he can take it all away.

But he knows he can't.

Naruto somehow managed to roll over, his trembling muscles barely obeying his brain's commands. His legs are folded beneath him, his opening up in the air, just waiting for Sasuke to take him right then and there. To make him forget, as Sasuke liked to put it.

_A dream_, is what he said.

Fingers slick from the bottle discarded somewhere off to his left, he gently stroked the flexing opening with the pad of his middle finger. Naruto's back arched forcefully, a senseless high-pitched moan coming out of his own throat. He can feel the familiar feeling unfurling in his gut, blanking his mind, erasing his thoughts.

Sasuke coaxed and stroked and tantalized the opening some more, but Naruto then decided that he'd had enough teasing and suddenly jerked back against it and forced the raven's finger in up to the knuckle, a gasp of surprise coming out of his lips making Sasuke smirk.

The digit worked and swirled around the soft hot walls, delivering strange tingling sensations to the blonde. Angling the finger up, Sasuke pressed firmly. A small bolt of pleasure detonated throughout his hips and crawled up to his spine and to the hind part of his skull.

Naruto trembled and flexed around him as he slid it in and out in a gentle pace. Slowly another finger was insinuated inside him, stretching him wider, rubbing back and forth over and over that one sweet spot.

Sasuke worked his way quickly and added a slick third finger, and for a moment, the blonde only saw white as a choking cry escaped his lips and writhed. The Uchiha looked down, the panting breath below him urging him to continue.

If this was really a dream, then don't wake him up just yet.

* * *

**VII. Down**

Sasuke's torrid and painfully rigid member slipped inside him, spreading him, satiating him, yielding a completely different type of ache within him.

He filled him to the brim as they connect again and again and again. The sound of wet flesh slapping piercingly against wet flesh was the only sound that filled their ears. Moans and others were drowned away by lust and his fears.

He could feel it, the whole length of it, pounding into him deeper and deeper, bringing intense pleasure that resonates all throughout his body.

Neither of then wanted it to end.

The held each other for as long as they can, moving, grinding, connecting to each other. Time seemed to have stopped, deprived of its meaning and use as Sasuke whispered sweet nothings into his ear, ignoring the on-going reality outside the barriers they had made, the walls they are currently building.

Far too quickly, a white blinding light flashed through Naruto. Violent and brutal intensity exploded along with it, barely registering moans after gasping moans leaving his lips. Deep inside him, there was a pulsing throb and a hot deluge spurted within, quenching him. The fire in him.

Momentarily frazzled, Sasuke's weight pressed him down, down into the shogged sea.

* * *

**VIII. Unsaved**

They were lying face to face, limbs tangled to each other, close enough, yet still too far.

Those beautiful cerulean orbs that can capture a soul, orbs that already captured his, now left bereft and void, silently screaming and shadowing barrenness in the darkness.

_'I'm still here'_ was at the tip of his tongue, but he already knew it was five years too late for that.

He palmed Naruto's cheek and the blonde unconsciously nuzzled against his warm hand.

_Naruto's already gone._

A melancholic smile drifted on his face.

_In the end, it doesn't matter if he's still here. It doesn't matter what he say to him now_.

Sasuke slipped his arm under Naruto's head and hugged him tightly, hiding the silent tears on the fluffy blonde locks.

_He would never reach him anymore_.

He felt the blonde kiss his shoulder, then his neck, tenderly. And more tears slipped past his cheeks.

_His chest was already empty, his heart drowning along with the rest of his family, immersed at the bottom of the depths of the sea._

Sasuke kissed Naruto, and he knew it would be the last time.

_Unreacheable by mankind for eternity_.

**~FIN~**

* * *

Okaaaay? That was _angsty_. Whew.

There is no denying that this oneshot is dark in nature. I must say, I've never written such things before with so much angst except for a 7-page book review about a suicide book. It's surprisingly soothing and mollifying at the same time.

Seriously, I don't know how this happened. At first, I was like, "Oohh. Cool. I'm writing a suicide fiction." Then, half-way through, I became like "Oh my _God_. I'm writing a _suicide_ fiction."

Really. I just surprise myself everyday.

Let me get one thing straight though. I do not at all support suicide and self-hurt. I'm a Roman Catholic, and you know? People here kinda see it as a disgrace to harm yourself because our body isn't ours and it is a temple of God blah blah blah and all those shiz. But unfortunately, some readers struggle to fully comprehend the reality of teen suicide.

Listen people, and listen good.

_Teen suicide is real!_ You might see it as an illness, or a mental disorder, or whatever, but I implore you not to deny the believability of this story.

If you were disturbed by reading this, dude, I am going to tell you one thing. _I warned you._ So, I don't want to hear anything about it.

Anyways, moving on, I hope I did a bang-up job in portaying a lost soul. I'm sorry if the pace of the story was too fast. I know it's a fail, but hey, I tried. I didn't like it either, but there's a reason why it's called a oneshot, you know?

With all that said, tell me what you think and review, dahlings...

Bah. I hate my mood swings.

**Please do read the other oneshots.**

**Bus Love** (dedicated to **Sachiel Angelo**) - Romance/Humor  
**Call of Duty Day **(dedicated to **LoveAgronNNasir**) - Romance/Humor

*there was supposed to be 2 more but I wasn't able to finish it in time. I don't want to delay this so I posted it today, May 31, just like I had promised. I swear I'm going to finish the others before school starts. I really am sorry Peanut Buddy and Midnight Kei.

*Kik me almonding HAHAHAHA!


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